Thursday, August 25, 2005
:: A BREAK-UP ::
I've been sad for more than a week now. I parted ways with the love of my life two Saturdays ago, which is coincidentally the day after my 27th birthday. Sucks, right? It was a move that was not planned but nevertheless necessary.
We both know that we need to part ways for us to finally make it. We've been together for more than a year yet we haven't taken further steps in making our relationship for real. Parting ways and breaking-up will make us winners --- eventually. If realization sets in on this current phase then we will gladly go back to each others arms. If we will not make it then it's probably not meant to be... and we will just be thankful that we find out about it sooner than later).
But what I am feeling NOW is crappy!!! It's the crappiest beyond crap! I am so sad. When I am with my friends, around officemates, on meetings, while eating lunch...I am usually light-hearted with a brave and strong front. But when I am alone...driving to and from work, weekends, those minutes before sleeping...those are the baddest. Sadness consumes me in the weirdest way possible. I cannot even cry, hurt, or pain because of the SAD state I am in.
I realized that being sad is worse than being hurt. In hurting, one usually takes an effort in feeling that emotion. It's also coupled with anger, what ifs, and on some extent, gulit. But when you're sad...you're just SAD. It's a STATE that wouldn't go away. It's a state that doesn't go away no matter how "happy and smiling" you seem to be.