Monday, June 04, 2007

I'M IN NEED OF A DISTRACTION. A HUGE ONE.

Today is definitely NOT my day. For someone who's just bumming, surfing and sleeping all day then this is a telling one. (I am in-between jobs right now. Just ended the other one last week and is due to start on the next mid-June).

First, I called the PLDT Clinic where I'm having my medical exams and learned that the results of my FBS (Fasting Blood Sugar) is not yet in. My goodness, its been days! How long does it take to friggin' examine a blood sample? Smart is already hurrying me and I am already losing my mind about it. They already offered the job two Thursdays ago and I have yet to sign the employment contract because I am still waiting for the results of the med exam. That's very important because that will determine if I can really be IN. It will be a huge letdown if I fail the med exams. I mean, of all things???

Second, I got a call from one of my media friends this afternoon and he told me that my replacement was introduced this afternoon at the Goodyear press conference. Well, I know that I should not be bitter about it and just move on. After all, I already left and is quite happy about it. Maybe it's just my ever-present competitive nature that's kicking in. Maybe I am just having a hard time accepting that I was "replaced" despite the fact that my future career is bigger, better and brighter. I just feel that I was used and forgotten. Oh well.

Now here's the dilemma that prompted me to blog. I was cleaning my e-mails the other day when I saw a two-year old e-mail from my ex. It was just a random message. He told me to re-direct all his job hunt related e-mails to his personal mails. He mentioned two addresses, one in Yahoo and the other in Hotmail, which I've forgotten about until I saw it again the other day. The ex and I never communicated on-line except on some e-mails here and there. So it was really a stupid move when I added his Yahoo ID to my Messenger last Thursday. Dang!

When I logged at YM this evening, I saw that he accepted my invitation (Dang! Dang!) and was also on-line. There was also a status message near his name that goes like: "Yep, I'm here." Here I go again. I promised to distance myself from him and I've been successful about it until now. Its been months since we have last seen each other. Its been months since our last communication, save from his courtesy reply of "Goodluck and God Bless! Beautiful things are in store." to my generic and for everyone e-mail of "I'm leaving Goodyear, here's my updated contact info..." to which I did not bother to reply.

We are both aware that we are distancing ourselves from each other. It's the elephant in the room. I know that he values me and my feelings too much thus he's taking my lead and not communicating. He knows that maintaining our friendship will hurt me more. That I know. He wants me to be happy and he knows that I wouldn't be able to if he's still around.

The incident tonight was really shallow and so-so compared to the stupid things I did before. I will not be surprised if you are now shaking your head on the time you've wasted reading this. But missteps like this are huge deal for me. I need to focus on the the letting go. I need to focus on the moving on. Bright and wonderful things are ahead of me thus I should not be distracted and should stay focused.

I dunno what happened to me the other night. I dunno what happened to me tonight. night. I dunno what happened when I friggin' added him at YM. Arrrgggh! But at least I logged-out immediately before I can click his name and say "Buzz!". I don't want to know things about him. I don't want to know what he's doing with his life now. I don't want to know what music he is listening to or who is he texting regularly. I long for the day when I'll wake up and will not be bothered by thoughts of him. I am (finally) moving on gracefully. For months (years?) I've been yearning for inner peace and I believe that I am finally getting THERE. The only hindrance are missteps like this. Stupidity like this.

Oh, yeah, his "Yep, I am here." on his status message means something. It's meant for someone. Someone not me. Bygones.

Whew! What a day! I am so bitter today. I need major distraction for THIS. I need to rise from this. I need to go out. I need to work. I need to do something good for the human race to FORGET this incident.

 

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