Monday, June 27, 2005

:: BUT... ::

I truly neglected my blog and my PC. It's the first time in two months since I used my beloved PC here at home. Oooohhh, I truly missed it. I am so swamped with work, meetings, and even work-related parties and night-outs in the last couple of months. It's definitely draining but I am also loving it at the same time. People at the office are very supportive and I am even making fun new friends. The fad at my new corporate environment is work until 7-8pm, badminton games and tourneys on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays, once a month bowling games at Gameworx, dealer rooftop parties with never-ending booze (which I mastered to creatively turn-down each time bottles come my way), e-mail that copies the rest of the world, laptops that can be plugged anywhere & everywhere, and constant teasings, humors and rumors even at very serious managers' meetings.


I am now a certified DRIVER! Yep, you read it right. This gal is now revving and driving...and at high speed at that! *snickers* I have mix feelings while driving though. I am thrilled and happy because of the high feeling driving brings. It's so liberating to overtake, make turns, and drive at 120kph at SLEX while listening to sappy love songs. It makes you think, ponder, and even analyze things that's happening (or not happening) in your life. It also saddens me because I don't have a choice BUT think and think. And thinking TOO much is certainly bad for me. There are always random thoughts of frustrations, sadness, and everyday irregularities that crops my mind. It really drives me insane...literally. Or should I say: it makes me drive insanely? I remembered an especially frustrating-slash-lonely-slash-anxious night when I drove my fastest ever at SLEX. I took the Filinvest-Sta. Rosa toll gate in ten minutes flat. Not bad for a month-old driver, huh?


It's color coding day for me on Mondays so I took public transportation this evening. Walking and riding through old familiar routes made me smile and reminisce the good ol' days. I remember those innocent nights of texting and calling. I recall so many tweetum SMS of random song lyrics and sweet nothings. Because no matter how busy and pre-occupied I am throughout the day, I always go back to: "at the end of the day...". There's no use denying about it. There's no use pretending that IT is not there. There's no use to constantly smile to hide what is actually inside. There WERE days and there ARE days and I am the only one who can actually differentiate the two. Months already passed and I am still in deep shit. I hate it when people assumes that I am already over and beyond IT. It's way insulting when people think that I am now ready and able again. This soon??? I took so many short-cuts in life and loving and this is definitely and certainly NOT one of them. I like to wallow and deal with the...insecurity, anguish, anxiety, loss and everything associated with the...PAIN. No amount of diversion tactics and usual-crappy-holier-than-thou forwarded e-mail articles can possibly make me "well" fast enough. Let it marinate, let it sink in...and stop pressuring and pestering the crap out of me in getting IT out of my system. I know myself well enough and I know that THIS is the bolder, braver, stronger way. Whew!


I am addicted to movies lately. I watched so many films in the last three weeks. Name it and I watched it. I especially love Mr. & Mrs. Smith which I've seen twice (the first one with Olen & Bim and the repeat with Marky). Angelina simply sizzles in the movie. No wonder my Rachel Karen Green is now left behind in the wings. :( I also scored advance screening tix for Batman Begins two Mondays ago; and me and Tin also watched the Claudine-Diether-Echo scary-suspense movie.

Next in line? Monster-in-Law, War Of The Worlds and Fantastic Four.

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