Sunday, June 27, 2004


Someone is celebrating his 26th birthday today. Though he's far away, I know that I can always go to him for moral support and strength anytime I want. The story of our lives started when we were twelve years old - and since then I've always kept him in my heart. I guess, he never really went away. I still haven't found a greater love than what I've felt for him. I can still remember all the fun memories (even the bad ones) that we've had in the three years that we were together. He IS my first love, the one who showed me that there is "a good day that can get even better", the one who gave me my first kiss and the one that I always yearn for. This guy made me felt the feeling of being in love.

I've had two other relationships that were more serious than what we've had but they were all blurs of my past now. I always go back to this one true love in highschool. I often wonder if we will ever get back together. I remember post-break-up get togethers and parties of friends where we hardly ever talk except for the usual 'howareyous'. I thought that it is just a "syndrome" that will eventually go away after I found Mr. Right. But that's the problem since he has always been the "Mr. Right" for me.

Two years ago, I got a call from one of our friends, Kaloy, telling me that he's leaving for the US in two weeks. I was not really surprised since he always got this "great American dream" on his shoulder even when we were kids. What shocked me was the girlfriend that was tagging along on the trip. Horrors! This is IT! I'm truly bound to lose him once he hit the American shores. I was sad, lonely and depressed when I learned that. On the eve before he went away, I called him up (thanks to Troy and Jako for arranging it) and said my goodbye. I remember that I was in Pangasinan then on a business trip and I was jumping while I was talking with him. I really dunno what to say to him. I never said what I felt (or what I am still feeling) despite the fact that the boys knew all about it and were expecting some kind of miracle that my declaration of undying love will somehow change his decision to leave. Fat chance! I was not GUTSY enough.

When he got to the US, our communication improved - there were e-mails, e-mails and more e-mails. She and the girl went to separate states but they were still (figuratively) together. We lost touch for a while but rekindled the friendship again late last year. I'm not expecting anything from him and eventually got satisfied with the idea that we are not going to be together again. But FATE may still be on our side. Early this year, I got a YM message from one of his college friends telling me that she and the girl already parted ways since the she got married to another guy! That b!t*h! Anyway, that news led me again to more hoping and praying again. We've kept our communication superbly all throughout this year. We are not really into details but we generally update each other on major happenings in our lives. I knew his roadtrips, vacations and even the concerts he go to and he knows all about my recent woes. In fact, he's one of the very first persons I texted when I had the accident recently. I nearly cried when I received his quick reply of concern and wish-I'm-there-and-I-feel-bad-about-it. We are taking it slow. We are not even talking about US and the possibility of a long-distance relationship. Though, in the last few weeks, there were so many reminiscing that were going on and questions of "sino yang kausap mo ha?" and other pa-cute and pa-jealous tirades. I even remembered the time when Eggie kept on asking me at YM about the status of my relationship with his Kuya. The most "us" thing that we've ever talked about was getting together on my family's planned US vacation this year. He promised that he'll drive all the way to New York just to see me! It also made me think since he kept on telling me (since my resignation) to just pack my bags, get a visa and move there. If he'll have me...right away...I'll be there! After all, I did said before that it's only one true love who would be able to make me go and live in the US.

If this is not one true love...I dunno what it is.

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