I Blog, Therefore I Am.

When I say "I am into something"...I mean "I am really INTO something in a crazy-passionate way". It used to be Sweet Valley High Senior Year books, Eraserheads, The Internet and blogging, cellphones & gadgets, Sidney Sheldon and her novels, my work (yeah, better believe it), US Ivy League colleges, spa & massages, DVD marathons, the one who broke my heart the baddest, MBA applications, Havaianas, and Japanese food.

Guess who's keeping me crazy-happy and passionate lately? None other than Derek-Meredith-Cristina-Burke-Izzie-The Nazi-George-Alex! Life has never been the same since Grey's Anatomy. :) I am so in love!

The vid below is one of the reasons why NOT living in The US is a total letdown! Someone better TiVo and send 'em to me! All Thursdays! :)




Smile Thursdays. Feel Thursdays. Love Thursdays.
Where TV Goes To Feel Better. )

The video is Grey's Anatomy's promo plug for Season 3's premiere on the 21st of September. The scenes and snippets used were taken from last season's explosive finale which was aired last May. The background song is The Fray's "How To Save A Life" which I also like - "I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life" - simply right.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through

Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


P.S.
"Seriously?" is the most abused word in the series. The characters say them at least 20x each episode. Seriously???

I am now 28 years old and still can't believe it. This IS and SHOULD be a pivotal age for me. I have big plans and dreams "when I turn 28!" ever since I can remember. The clock started ticking and I have 365 days to fulfill those dreams & plans and make them realities.

IT STARTED WITH TEA...
The celebration started a few hours before 12mn. I had dinner and coffee at ATC with my bestest friends Tin, Charo and Jako. We initially planned "the countdown" in Tagaytay but as usual we were not able to go for various reasons. We were always like that. Things and activities with us are better if done in spur-of-the-moment rather than seriously planned. Anyway, we still had fun. Too bad Aileen wasn't able to join since she was sick and not feeling well. It actually feels weird since we generally don't "celebrate" our birthdays together (with the exception of Aileen's where we do something fun each April).



Pre-Birthday dinner & coffee @ ATC with Tin, Charo
(check out the nasty jacket! i'm so envious!) & Jako



We miss Aileen!

Our dinner conversations were composed of Charo's future plans, our planned trip to LaUnion/Pangasinan early next month, music, highschool memories as usual (mostly from Jako and I), prospects, career & work, past Octoberfests, and Aileen's recent OB visit (we truly had a laugh, girl!). We went to Seattle's Best to cap the night. Thus I started August 12, 2006 with a cup of Mint Tea.



Seattle's Best Mint Tea - my new favorite!


IT WAS ALSO SAM'S BIRTHDAY
I had on, off, and sporadic sleeps from 3:00 to 7:00 am. I kept on waking up every two hours for weird reasons. My ringing cellphone finally woke me up around 7:00 am. The caller was Mark waking me up to wish me Happy Birthday and to tell that he was sick in bed and would not be able to attend his God Daughter Sam's 2nd birthday party. Sam is our officemate's (from Carrier) Ariel and Jonah's baby who luckily has the same birth date as her Tita Abbie (making her one of my favorites). I attended the party which was held at Jollibee Festival Mall like last year (the Birthday Girl is fond of the Bee and its Kiddie Meals). I haven't seen Sam since her last party and was so surprised since she's grown so much. She's so cute and gentle!



With Li'l Birthday Girl Sam and my former sparring partner Aimee

Almost all of my former officemates from Marketing and Applied Sales were in attendance. The party was, of course, full of cute kids!!! I finally met Clive and Marcky - sons of Willie and Ping - both adorable and now 11 months old. I was also reunited with my old sparring partner, Aimee, whom I miss so much. I also had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pose with Hetty Spaghetti, my childhood favorite (beat that!).



Hetty Spaghetti and I



Luci, Toni, Aimee and I at Sam's Party


HAPPY ME
My friends and officemates were kindda surprised when I told them that I spent my birthday alone. I did not plan anything major for the day and just decided to go where the tides will lead me. It actually made me happy. It was a happy adventure. I was able to do the pampering things I've been planning for weeks but doesn't have the time. I had an uber-nice shiatzu massage, went to Dental Gems for cleaning, spent a great amount of time at Powerbooks in search for the perfect chick-lit read, had a relaxing facial (Dermclinic is still the hands-down best for me - a little too much but it's your face you're investing on, right?) and went for waxing & threading. I came out relaxed, better and a little bit 'shinier'.

WELL WISHERS & GREETERS
This is a yearly tradition - to list down and post the most memorable SMS birthday greetings and wishes that were sent to me. I added a few description about the senders.

"Hey! Happy Birthday! Kamusta na? Sorry I couldn't wait until 12mn. I'm sick so have to go back to sleep. Miss you! Hope everything is okay at work and with your lovelife. Mwah!"
- Kat (my best friend from college; haven't seen her in 10 months but we planned something for next weekend with our other friends)

"Happy Birthday! We are never old! People think I'm 25. Imagine how young you seem!"
- Mark (an uber-special friend)

"How do you measure a year? In daylights, sunsets, midnights, cups of coffee...in laughter and strife. Remember the love. Measure your life in seasons of love. I hope you have a lot of these seasons to look back on and wishing you many more to come! Happy Happy Birthday!"
- Tisha & Ret (she's my college dorm friend in Assumption who's a constant matchmaker until now; Ret's her boyfriend)

"Hami Mertney Nu U! Hami Mertney Nu U! Hami Mertney, Hami Martney, Hami Mertney Nu U! Wi Nab U!
- Wate & Mabel (she's one of my oldest friends from highschool, she always remembers!)

"Happy Birthday, Abs! May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up His countenance on you and give you peace! Enjoy!"
- Binchy (teammate, cubemate, ultimate 'bully', occassional savior)

"Hey, Twin! Happy Birthday! Hope you're having a great day. Wishing you the best in life. Take Care! Miss you! Mwah!"
- Ivy (one of my bestest friends and ultimate highschool buddy, one of the 20% of "my girls"/Forces of Nature, she's in Canada now living the life)

"Wishing you nothing but the best this world can offer. I will always be here for you no matter what happens. See you around my friend!"
- Jovet (a new found friend from work)

"Hoist! Happy Birthday!!! Mag-treat ka pag nasa ATC ako. Will advise you pag may client call ako! Enjoy your day!!!"
- Fred (a Honda Club survivor, we used to hang out a lot with the other HCPers back in 2003)

"As we grow older, we loosen our grasp on trying to be perfect in every way. We realize that its more important to be human and happy than to be perfect. Happy Birthday, Abbie! I hope you finally find the happiness you seek!"
- Marge (one of my closest from work)

"I just woke up, naalala agad kita! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Mwah*Hugs! May you experience extraordinary joy today! God Bless!"
- Aileen (a friend who always stood by, one of the bridesmaids to my wedding, one of my greatest blessings)

"Ei Girl! A very delayed HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'm digitally cut-off during weekends. Hehe! Hope you had a good one!"
- Reggie (my Honda/Carrier friend who always had my back!)

There you go. I was truly touched since a lot of people remembered my day. My cellphone was non-stop with messages and wishes from friends, present and past co-workers, cousins & relatives, old classmates & dormmates, and even suppliers.

...IT ENDED WITH WINE
I got home around 9:00 pm after a hearty Japanese dinner. I spent the remaining hours of my birthday buried in a chick-lit book called "Something Borrowed" with a glass of red wine while listening to mellow music. I dozed off with a sigh..."It was a well spent birthday!".



Capping the night with good books and wine

"Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire, and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why."

I am on melancholic mood for so many reasons. The most obvious one - I'll be turning 28 in a few days. I always get a li'l bit blue this time of the year for unknown, mundane and random reasons. This year is especially hard because I'll be spending it "alone", figuratively speaking. It's hard. I cannot even put the proper words to describe what I am feeling inside. Do you know the crappy feeling of being with someone, communicating and connecting with someone, sitting closely beside someone YET not having him? That my friends is what I've been experiencing and kind of feeling lately. The martyrdom of loving someone silently and not doing anything about it truly sucks. I cannot do anything about it and I am not intending to do anything about it (yet). Yeah, I know that I should just walk away and leave but I am at the point where I already became dependent on his presence and on the friendship and sound advices he give. I just cannot leave and walk away. I just cannot turn my back easily. It's really so hard. Especially now when we are slowly showing to each other our "non-best-foot-forwards" which was absent before. Cliche as it may sound: I MIGHT not want to ruin the "blossoming" TRUE friendship and break the bond with an attempt to bring back the romance. (BUT I also don't want to settle for JUST the friendship either). Beats me. I don't know if I should stay and linger or just vanish from the face of the earth.

This is the most mature and genuine kind of love I've ever felt in my entire existence (how's that for a birthday gift to myself?). This is the "undying love" those friggin' poets were talking about. I had loved selflessly, in vain, possessively, obsessively, hopelessly, romantically, passionately BUT never in silence. I've always been loud even in loving. I express it, I cultivate it, and most importantly, I damn make sure that it's reciprocated. Not this time. I'm loving someone without expecting anything in return. Can you believe that? (Is this me?) Yeah, it's frustrating and annoying especially with me who always have to be reassured when feelings and emotions are involved. It's a different kind of love. This is true. It's not "being in love"...it's "loving" after "falling in love". The weird part? I somehow find satisfaction from it. I'm happy in my own little dreams and thoughts where he is mine and mine alone. I've somehow accepted the situation. I even find inner peace whenever I pray for him. Thoughts of him after a long and tiring day at the office even makes me giddy and inspired. It's unexplainable. It's weird.

Who is he? I cannot tell. But HE knows how I feel - he was even surprisingly shocked when I told him about it (and I thought it was obvious?). I know he's flattered but I also know that he thinks he doesn't deserve this grand and true affection since he only see me as a...weeelll...a very special friend.

But why love in silence when I can fight for it? I have two reasons. First, he made his happy choice and I'm letting him be and letting him go. I'm letting him play and conquer the world. If he gets lucky then that is my answer. If not...well...I'm pretty sure that he knows his way HOME. Second, I don't fight battles that I cannot win...YET. This is not YET the time. It's in HIS time. I think I still have to grow and learn some more. I'm still moving on, enriching and improving myself, and making myself genuinely happy on my own. If THAT time comes then GO (and he better be ready because I'll make sure that he's blown over) but if it doesn't then thy will be done. : )

P.S.
I might love in silence and from afar BUT I have this very strong faith in the "us". He will definitely hate me for saying this: If the sun refuse to shine, I will still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea, it will still be you and me!