I Blog, Therefore I Am.

Work was dismissed early today and traffic was re-routed due to the rally and mass protest in Makati that calls for the immediate resignation of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Here we go again.

I am getting tired of the constant civil unrest here in the Philippines. It's like deja vu of 2001. Same old issues, same old people barking, same old protest place, same old problems...but with a different President. When will this ALL end?

I ignored the hooplas and stayed at the office until 8:00 pm to finish some work that piled up due to my business trip in Davao the other day. The street from Rufino/Herrera going to Ayala was closed up to the corner of Rustan's so I decided to walk and took some photos from my camera phone as they were wrapping up.







But for all it's worth, here's a silent prayer of encouragement to Jun Lozada and to the other brave men out there who are fighting this fight. :)

Where are you last January 19 and 20 of year 2001? I definitely know where I was!

I was at the EDSA Shrine with thousands of people who chanted "Erap Resign!" repeatedly with raised fist. I did not join the revolt because of "the party that was EDSA" unlike majority of the yuppies and students who were there for the bragging rights of having participated in the biggest street party of the decade. I went to the rally because I actually care for the well-being of the nation (back then, anyway). Before I became an apathetic-to-the-world workaholic slash frivolous blogger, I was actually someone who enjoyed current events and was involved in national issues. Erap was one topic I was truly passionate about.

Erap is probably the worst thing that happened to the Philippines (well, next to Marcoses, I suppose). He's the epitome of a chauvinistic Filipino male. He's lazy, a hard-drinking womanizer, a "bolero" who applied street-smart in legislations and, of course, an ultimate selfish thief who engaged in corruptions. I was appalled the moment he was elected President (Voters, what the heck are you thinking?!). How can someone like him represent the Philippines?

I was still in Honda during the EDSA Dos days. Our office was located at The Salustiana Towers in Paseo de Roxas which is just a stone throw away from Ayala Ave. Unknown to many; I often spend my lunch breaks in those days at the organized rallies by the Civil Society leaders held every Friday at the Ninoy Aquino Shrine that called on Erap’s Resignation. I even bought several black shirts calling for his dismissal in various designs. I was really into the whole hoopla.

The product and result of those rallies leading to the EDSA Dos ouster of Joseph Estrada will have its dramatic conclusion tomorrow as Sandiganbayan, a special Philippine court that has jurisdiction over cases of graft and corruption of public officials, sets its promulgation on the P4.097 billion ($89.06M) plunder case (gambling payoffs, tobacco tax kickbacks, and falsely declaring his assets) and minor charges of perjury on the former Philippine President. The Ombudsman filed the case to the court three months after Erap was overthrown from the Palace.

It took Sandiganbayan more than six years of very long legal battles before reaching tomorrow's historical verdict. I read a summary of timeline of the trial at today's issue of Philippine Daily Inquirer and I must say that the prosecution really did a good job in presenting their case. The defense, though headed by the great Rene Saguisag, had a very laughable defensive strategy by discrediting the witnesses of the prosecution instead of focusing at the issue on hand. They even had once a demonstration conducted at the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas stating that P130 million in cash would not fit inside the four boxes that were described by Chavit Singson that Dante Ang gave Erap as payola. They said that that the boxes can only contain P80 million. Duh? P130 million and P80 million is friggin’ the same when we are talking about corruption! What are they thinking?

The verdict must be and should be guilty! Is there any doubt that he did NOT do it? Yeah, lawyers and judges may argue all day with their motions and pleas, but at the end of the day we all know that he did it! That's the friggin' bottom line. They said that a call for acquittal is getting stronger by the day because of Anti-Gloria factions. BUT we must remember to put issues in separate baskets. Gloria will have her day if she is not careful. But tomorrow is all about Erap and the sins he committed to the Filipino people. Gloria is just a collateral damage/benefit (depends on which side you are) to Erap. A lot of politicians are expecting "grey area" verdicts like non-conviction of plunder but convinction due to corrupt practices (which is a lesser offense) or guilty verdict but lesser jail time. Well, in the please-everyone-and-all-you-want culture of the Philippines, any "grey" is possible.

But, as for me, Erap is GUILTY! Think about it. Think about the rotten years we endured under his leadership. Think about the taxes he robbed from us. Think about the high lifestyle that The Ejercitos are continuously living despite the growing number of the marginalized. Think about all the half-meant Erap jokes you have forwarded all these years. Think about Clarissa Ocampo and her bravery.

Think about yourself and the fight and the principle you stood for at EDSA Dos!

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Carols. As in Christmas Carols.

It's now the ninth month of the year and the advent of the "BER" months. As expected Christmas Carols are already being played on the radio, at the malls, and even the recessional hymn at Church tonight was "O Holy Night". We are now in the midst of ushering the most magical time of the year - Christmas (here in the Philippines, anyway)!

I had a fairly good and less strenuous week compared to last week. I was dead tired the week before since we were on Strategic Planning session for two whole days and I was the one who compiled and made our presentation. It turned out fairly well. I am really proud of what we did.

The highlight of my week was the issuance of two checks that served as my last pay from my previous company. Whew! I was not expecting it so it was truly a welcome surprise. Since there were a lot of pains and hurts associated with them, I decided to invest most of the money rather than spend it. The long nights, the lost friendships and relationships, the chaotic life, my absence in family and friends' get-together, the work stress, and the more than 10 lbs. I gained from the experience can never be returned back to me (well, I can lose the weight!) so I feel that there will be no fulfillment or gratification in spending them. It was a very very hard and challenging two years and I can fully say that I am indeed in a better place now. My deposition, my outlook in life, and the even the relationship I am having with my friends and family now is truly way way better. When I look back at the time spent there I cannot help but ask myself: "what was I thinking?". I am not bitter and I definitely moved on from it already. It was just a very disappointing phase in my life which is hard to forget.

Moving on to lighter topics, my teammates and I celebrated our groupmate's Maffin's birthday last Wednesday. We had lunch at Recipe's in Greenbelt 3 (always a yummy!) and had some cakes in the afternoon. Here are some snaps:

Speaking of desserts, I spent a good quality of my time last Friday at the lounge of the Smart Bro Internet Zone which is at the Ground Floor of our building to wait for the rain to stop. I read some magazines, updated my calendar with meeting schedules next week, and had a taste of Nescafe Point's winning chocolate cake called Chocolate Café Single. It's oh-so rich and sinful! The caramel glazed on top of the cake is the best!

My week ended with a stroll at the nearby mall where I had my nails done at Laxare Nail Spa for two friggin' hours. I almost fell asleep in the comfortable lounge chair with the length of the service (which is actually good). It was truly a money well spent. I would've probably stayed longer if I opted for the Foot Spa. Laxare is really a good place for pampering services. They also offer superb Thai/Swedish Massages which is not as expensive like the ones offered at The Spa or Urban Spa. Laxare Nail Spa is located at the 3rd Level of Festival Mall in Filinvest.

I also went to Powerbooks and contemplated on buying three books. I have this crazy rule that I will not buy any book if I still have unread books at home. I also make it a point to buy just one book at a time. I had this "gluttony book" thing since I can remember so I imposed book rules upon myself to save my bank account. The three books I grabbed were The Apple Way and two chick-lits. I forgot the title of the other chick lit but the other one is The Blonde Theory by Kristin Harmel which I ended buying.

The Apple Way was written by Jeffrey Cruikshank and it discussed the management lessons of the world's most innovative company today. I am interested in reading the book since I know that I would learn a lot from it which I can readily apply to my work – since my company is also at the forefront of innovations. I browsed the first few pages of the book and its an interesting read. I'll probably get a copy next week. Here are some of the wonderful insights which we can get from it: make the customer and the product king, balance manufacturing with delivery logistics, motivate and inspire people outside the company to do your marketing and PR (blog I say more?), invent new distribution channels, decide on your company image and stick to your guns, leapfrog the competition and learn from both success and missteps.

The book which I actually bought, The Blonde Theory, is your usual chick-lit. I finished it in two sittings. It basically told the story of Harper Roberts, a 30-something lawyer who cannot keep a relationship because men are intimidated by her intelligence and success in her career. To prove that it's not really her but her career that drives men out, she went out with different males and pretended that she's a dumb blonde instead of the hotshot attorney that she is. The men all fell for it/her. Duh! It's actually a silly book but it entertained me for some hours so no complaints here.

Have a good week ahead!

I was doing my expense report for last week when my phone unexpectedly came to life at 12:37 am on a Saturday (Sunday midnight to be exact). I glanced at the caller ID and took a moment to think whether I will screen or answer. After a moment of hesitation, I picked up and decided that it's still better than filing my reimbursements.

Him: Hi, Abbie! How are you?
Me: Hello?? What did you say?
Him: I said how are you?
Me: Wow! How formal. I am fine, doing some work.
Him: So, how's everything?
Me: Okay lang naman. Busy as usual.
Him: Well, you're always busy. No time for everything
Me: Yeah, that's life.
Him: How's ______ (insert name of my ex)?
Me: I don't know. Fine, I guess.
Him: I am here in Cavite right now with _____, _____, and _____. (insert names of our officemates).
Me: Really? Sana lumabas na lang din ako.
Him: Yeah, you should have. I am so drunk!!!
Me: You guys better go home already if that's the case.
Him: We are all wasted. Of course si ________ (insert name of officemate who's dear to me) kanina pa knock-out, sobrang wasted.
Me: Talaga? So that's why. I texted him some work stuff and he did not answer.
Him: Oo 'no. For sure he will not text you because ________ (insert name of former girl officemate) is here. Okay nga sila eh. Seem to be doing well together.
Me: Hmmm. Okay.
Him: Grabe, Abs. I called because I need to tell you something. I am so drunk but I miss you so much. I truly miss you. I miss you so much.
Me: Hay naku. You better hang-up and go home.
Him: Really. I miss you so much! I love you, Abs. People kept on telling me to stop loving you but I cannot. Kahit abnormal ka I still love you. I don't care what they say.
Me: Yeah, abnormal ako kaya let's put the phone down. Let's talk tomorrow.
Him: No. I miss you talaga. You know your ex? He's BS! He did not give you time.
Me: Ooohhh, let's not get into that.
Him: Same way that you're not giving me time.
Me: Hay naku!
Him: And si ______ (insert name of officemate who's dear to me)...forget about him! He still has hang-ups on his ex. Plus there's _____ (name of former girl officemate).
Me: Yeah, yeah. Bye na!
Him: Abs, so many people love you but you don't give them time. You don't give them chances and you ignore them.

Then the line got cut. Whatever.

Whew! Drunken midnight calls...tsk, tsk, tsk. I cannot for the life of me explain how I feel about the call. Flattered? Yeah, in a very weird and tiny way. Disgusted? Yeah, definitely. Telling me emo stuff while drunk is one thing but bashing my ex is definitely out of line. Play fair, damnit!

I conversed with four guy friends on loving a woman this week. They have different stories but they've all been experiencing hurts caused by a love for a woman. It's worth blogging about. Think of it as a delayed blog Halloween special. Hehe!

Guy A met an extraordinary girl that he considered as 'the one' but decided to leave and let her go because of some major disappointments on her personality that are non-negotiables. Guy A is still hurting and reminiscing despite the many months that have gone by. He's trying to date but still couldn't forget the girl. I thought everything is already well until he confessed in one of our coffee sessions that the girl truly broke and damaged him. That's when I realized that he's still not over her. He's trying to drown himself with work but vowed to give time to a new hobby just to cope and forget. He said that Christmas this year is useless unless there are big bonuses on the way. Who I am to this guy? His old friend who became an unexpected confidante who's fast becoming his best gal pal.

Guy B is a serial dater who unexpectedly fell in love without meaning to. However, he sensed that the girl is taking him for a ride and dared her to cool down things. She unexpectedly took the bait and agreed to it. Guy B is now distraught and unbelievably hurt. He doesn't want to talk about it but his late hours SMS became annoying so I decided to give him my precious time and listen intently while I compute for our calendar earnings this year. He decided to let her go but on a vengeful way. His grand plan is to stay with her until she falls then leave her. I told her that he would not succeed (despite his past love-her-leave-her reputation) since he is now too emotionally attached to her. He's busy on his business that might make him a tycoon just to cope and forget. Christmas this year is surely mellow for him despite the mega-bucks that he's earning both from his income and business. Who I am to this guy? His only best girl friend. Ever.

Guy C doesn't usually give himself because of some unforgotten hurt from years back. The girl she fell in love with has 'wrong timing' written all over her. Unfortunately, everything in this world is timing and the confusing world where the girl resides in has wrong timing all around it. She wants him on her life but so is the next guy. She doesn't want him out of her life but there is no clear indication that she wants him on it either. Guy C decided to say goodbye and let her go just to save himself for more hurts. Unfortunately, goodbyes are always long processes from him. Everyday is a struggle within. He's a survivor but he also got issues on flying and falling. His unexpected phone calls are always welcome despite our colorful past and my uber-busy schedule. He got great dreams for himself, which he's planning and pushing for just to escape, cope and forget. Christmas this year is a deadline - better pull himself together before Silver Bells and Jingle Bell Rock dominate the airwaves. Or else "Pasko Na, Sinta Ko" will be the official theme of the Yuletide. Who I am to this guy? His heaven-sent band-aid.

Guy D loves someone in a very weird but passionate way. The girl doesn't give her any time but seemed have time for everybody and anything but him. She's brokenhearted and still healing from a relationship that has gone sour. She's a hard shell to break and needs to be swept to fall. He decided to let her go and start anew. He even broke his engagement with his fiancee to start a new beginning, forget the other girl, and find someone else. Guy C is so persistent that he even succumbs to name-calling and blackballing the ex and other guys being paired to the girl. He became so annoying that I don't want to talk to him and hear about his inconsistencies. Christmas this year will be an expensive one - according to him - he likes to brag and brag and brag. Who I am to this guy? See above drunken phone call conversation. I am me and he is him.

Oh, women...what have you done to these fine men? I used to think that men, in general, are the scums of the universe. I hate them and the way they make women fall without intending to catch them. But I realize that women are even worse. Women are supposed to be nice, loving, caring and forgiving. What happened? Guys A, B and C are my dear friends who doesn't deserve such treatment from the bitches they fell in love with. From someone who've been badly hurt and trampled on, I empathize with them - even if they are whiny and bordering annoying at times (kidding!). It's so easy to hate men who broke our hearts but it's so disheartening to hate women who act like unforgiving men - especially if I am turning into one of those bitches (take note: "turning" is the operative word). That's the bad thing about double standards. Men who break hearts are easily forgiven but women who do are scorned and looked down upon. What the heck happened to sugar and spice and everything nice? I hate women! I hate women who break my friends' hearts! I even hate myself for not making one's heart whole!

Collateral damage is one of my favorite euphemisms of late. What is it anyway (and I am not talking about the Schwarzenegger film of 2002)? Search for it via trusty Wikipedia and you will get: "unintentional damage or incidental damage affecting facilities, equipment or personnel, occurring as a result of military actions directed against targeted enemy forces or facilities. Such damage can occur to friendly, neutral, and even enemy forces". In layman, everyday term, it just means “unintentional or incendental damage from an impact caused by another”. Yep, it’s collateral damage when he broke your heart after he left (he’s really not intending to hurt you, right? right? right?). Yep, it’s collateral damage when he got his own unrequited love to take care of (his hurt is your hurt so therefore it’s collateral damage, right?).

Collateral damage sucks!!! Imagine? You’re minding your own business then *kaboom* you’re suddenly hit??? SO UNFAIR! Yeah, collateral damage definitely sucks!

"I fell madly and deeply in love with someone!"

The above words kept on ringing in my ears and it doesn't go away. I hear it before I sleep, after I wake up, while answering work e-mails, during meetings, while driving, while eating...it's freakin' everywhere! WHY, ME???

He wanted a friend and I became one. I was able to ease a big load off his chest. I was able to make him a whole lot lighter - as he told me. Unfortunately, his misery transferred to me. I absorbed it all. I am now in a deeper shit than ever. This is something unexpected and uncalled for. I prepared and anticipated a lot of things in our lives (even our numerous break-ups) but hearing that he's DEEPLY in love with somebody else and I should be "a friend" about it is definitely not one of them. He's pathetic crazy BUT I am pathetically crazier. I allowed it all to happen to me. I assured him that I'll be a friend and not an ex about it so I really cannot even blame him about it.

BUT here's something I can blame him: I also wanted a friend right now but where is he? All I wanted is to hear from him. A mere text or e-mail can go a long way. I feel so cheated, used and violated. He doesn't even have the decency to treat me right as a friend. Does he really think that I am unaffected with everything he said? I know that I gave the impression that I am "okay" about it but does he really really think that I am NOT hurt about it? I want to hate him the way my friends are all hating him, I want to name him names...BUT I can't!!! There is still a huge ounce of me that hopes, that cares, that loves him. It doesn't want to go away!

Why can't it be simpler? Why can't I just freely move on and be unaffected? Life can be easier for us. He could've fallen in love with someone who's 100% single and be happy about it, right? Why does he have to drag me into the picture? Why does he have to kiss me hoping that magic and spark will be ours again so that it will be simpler for him?

Why does he always need catching? AND WHY do I have to be the one who always have do it?

Hopefully he will regret all of these in the future and realized how much he wronged me. I know he would. I just know he would. If not...then he's really the cold-hearted and insensitive bastard whom I love so much. :(