I Blog, Therefore I Am.

I am definitely NOT crushing anymore.
This is definitely 100% LIKING.
He now describes me NOT as an officemate but as the girl he's seeing.

Halo! I'm making yabang to my friend here. I told him I'm seeing a hot chick at the office, then showed him your pic.
~ Him, 9.23.04, 8:06 PM

Hot chick?! Haha!



Our Sweet September can be divided into two parts: the pre and post first date. Yep, we did spent a great amount of quality time together in the past month during breaks, smoke time and even trainings at the office. But it was nothing compared to the first REAL date we had last Sunday. Sparks were super all over! Actually, there's nothing truly special about it. We just had the usual coffee-movie-dinner date BUT the magical thing about it...was him. He's so amazing! I've never dated anyone as smart as him. We spent a huge amount of our date having heart-to-heart conversations about the sad past, the happy present and even the promising future. I should really thank Recipes for the great ambiance.

One super bonus: I've never dated anyone who appreciates Power Books as much as I do (Yeah, I dated so many dimwits in the past). Aileen! I even told him about our chance encounter at Power Books ages ago! Remember? Geez, he was so amused!

THE POST-DATE
I like him and I'm sure that he already knows it by now. Our nice and giddy (but uncomfortable) silence at the office is now replaced by frequent comic banters which our department officemates are oblivious about. If they are sensing something, they are definitely keeping their silence about it. I know that a couple have hunches but they are letting it slide for the meantime. I am so loving the feeling! The special secret that we share makes working bearable amidst the power workforce that surrounds us. Actually, we are even quite obvious about it, either our officemates are too absorbed with their work or the ideas of "us" is too far-fetched for them.



If you're not afraid of what love brings, then endings are beginnings of beautiful things
~ Him, 9.28.04, 11:30 PM

He's been singing to me ONE HELLO for two days now. He told me that he heard it at Alvin's car and it had somehow stuck on him. Quite weird. It's been my song for him since the day we went to Dencio's (but he dunno anything about it). Either he already saw this blog or he's eavesdropping when I told Aimee at Dencio's that I like that song.

Or it is simply meant to be.

"All my life I am a born-again!"

I took a huge gulp of water after I heard that.

Unfortunately, that's the first line you'll hear in the movie Saved. I couldn't have chosen a better movie! Dang! So shameful of me. He wanted to watch Bourne Supremacy but I insisted on watching Saved. With the difference in spiritual beliefs hanging above us like plague, the least I wanted was a reminder of THAT. The movie hit hard since it's ALL about the norms and lifestyle of Christian girls, their families, and their path to holiness. As if I want to be reminded! He acted as a true gentleman and did not mention anything about it. But still.



Synopsis:
"Good girl" Mary (Jena Malone) and her popular, influential best friend, Hilary Faye (Mandy Moore), are starting their senior year at the top of the social structure at American Christian High School. But when Mary finds out she’s pregnant, Hilary Faye and her devoted "disciples" turn against Mary and the school labels her an outcast. It's as an outsider, however, that Mary finds true friends – other students the school doesn't quite know what to do with. In this sweetly subversive comedy, a group of strangers band together to navigate the treacherous halls of high school and make it to graduation, ultimately learning more about themselves and finding out what it truly means to be Saved!.

I should not be posting this. But I am.

I read on this month's Cosmopolitan Magazine that we should not be wary if we become too obsessive about our guy's little flaw too early in the relationship. They even said that "getting nitpicky is a sign that you're considering him as a possible real deal".

Same sentiments here. I get frustrated at the tiniest detail because I want it to work. I never wanted anything (or anyone for that matter) as badly as this one. It's freakin' frustrating me!

I like him. He seems perfect in my otherwise perfect world.
I just want him to blend in. I don't want to see his quirks and flaws this early.
I just wanted THIS to work.
How hard can that be?

BE CAREFUL FOR WHAT YOU PRAY FOR...YOU MIGHT GET IT
After so many failed relationships, I only dreamed and prayed for one thing: a good man. I've dated, dined and merried with guys. I've been hurt and hit several times which made me a somewhat cynical-jaded-expert on the dating scene. This guy is someone totally NEW to me. He's very different from the rest of the guys I know. His last relationship was 7 years ago (do the math!) and that girl remains to be his first and last girlfriend. Whaaaaaaaat? Yup, I am the experienced one here, sistah! He told me that he's SCARED that's why he refused to commit all these years with the other girls (read: he's not gay, ok?) He's vulnerable to the aches of the universe. He's true, he's genuine, he's loyal, he's nice AND he's a good man. His inexperience with the dating scene somehow ticks me but it's also one of the things that draws me to him. He doesn't understand how the woman mind works and he sometimes cannot bridge the gap where my being an officemate ends and where my being THE girl begins. Is God giving me the good man I asked for? Do I really wanted THIS KIND of guy? I traveled full circles already and my preferences have changed through the years. BUT I am still undecided if I should go to the tease-life-of-the-party-dude or go traditional with my ideal good guy? Beats me.

24 HOURS AFTER
We are still getting to know each other and we are taking it really really slow. The chemistry is killing us but we both know that we should invest a good amount of time for this stage. We are loving every moment of the goodness and giddiness that each day brings. We are happy and we are madly into each other. We also know that this might turn into the best loves of our lives. I wish I can also say that we will live happily ever after. NOT. There are still some "major" issues we have to face before the fairytale ending.

What I learned just NOW about HIM is definitely scandelilah!

Me and the equally picture-obssessed Aimee

Had a very serious meeting with the CEO regarding market shares.
Bummed around at the office.
Launch meeting with Luci and Lee (again!)
Read e-mails, answered e-mails.
Waited for Pong for two hours!
Went to Alabang to watch bowling.
Kulitan with Reg and Joseph.
Met Jona, saw Arwen.
Dropped off by Pong and Ariel.

Enough said.

OR

Be in the know and subscribe to my "friends only" abbiexcites! tabulas :)

We met. We saw. We conquered?
Not so fast, dearie.

I've been getting closer to 'this guy of mine' who I've been crushing on for weeks. Things are fine and the SMSs are good (no forwarded ones!). The giddy feeling is still there but there are already disappointments that are slowly creeping in. Silly stuff but nevertheless quirky. Read on.

1. The way his machoism is preventing him to be sweet to me in person. Yup, there were sweet texts, winpops, and occasional teasings but I am still waiting for the grand, sweet, PERSONAL gesture from him. His friends sometimes teases me to him but those are subdued. Either he hasn't 'fess up yet to his friends or his friends are still trying to gauge how will I react to him and his moves.

2. He's always overworked.
Rush breakfast, quick lunch (or sometimes non at all), no dinner! No QT! Work is a priority and I am a distraction.

3. Differences
I hope that our differences will be as trivial as this: he loves Tom Hanks' Terminal but I hated it, he prefers XDA than Palm Tungsten, and he would rather buy a 3.2 megapixel digicam rather than a 5mp one.

4. Middle-child (syndrome?!)
Let's hope and pray that he got a well-balanced personality and disposition.

5. Textmates
Our quality moments involve our mobile phones! Smart and Globe are definitely richer with our constant texting. But I don't want a textmate...I want somebody!!!

6. Sarcasm and Compliments
He doesn't handle sarcasm well and he doesn't want compliments either. There are only two ways for me to subtly show my feelings, either I fire him with sarcastically nice comments or shower him with compliments. Gee, where the heck am I going to fit in? Beats me.

Nevertheless, I am not giving up! This might be a gem worth holding on to.
This might be a keeper.


~*oOo*~


"Would you like me to sing to you until you sleep?"

"I told Mon I was fine alone. I was contented. More than a few things have changed since you came."

~*oOo*~

Most people call it being mysterious. Others refer to it as mind-gaming. I call it PRIDE.

Since the olden age, I've learned how to control my emotions in the meeting-dating-courting scene (even if I am way gaga on the guy). Most refer to it as mind-gaming but I call it as unadultered pride. I mastered all the ways and coy and often give advices to friends. It's the Goddess in me that plays the mind-gaming games. I am the girl therefore I am.

Look at the end-result? The cynical-jaded ME.

BUT

I am now given another chance to love and give my heart once more.
I tried the old tricks but THIS guy is way smarter for games.
His rules? Don't give me BS and I will give you the world.
So far, so good. Days are definitely definitely BRIGHTER and BETTER.
I've never been so giddy-excited-loving as what I am today.

I am giving up THE GAMES just to make THIS work.
I'll go with the flow and let destiny rule above it all.

Is HE the one? Is this the way "mature men" really act?
Am I in for a serious one that would end with church bells?
Is he serious enough to consider me as THE ONE?
Am I just a date/gimmick buddy for those beach adventures?
Am I really his heaven-sent sunshine?
Did he really give gratitude to the Lord for sending me?
Am I going to be the next Anna of his life?
Can I really be sweet without being sarcastic?
Do I really have to sing "I Love You Just The Way You Are"?
Can we go sing in the rain?
How about snorkeling and watching each other at Galera?
Is he going to buy me Gonuts Donuts tomorrow?

Is he going to give it all up for me?
Am I going to give it all up for him?

Let's wait and see if this is the REAL one or another disappointing...
...UNREAL one.

~*oOo*~

Me: I feel that I left something there at the office. I have my wallet and cell with me naman. Perhaps, it was YOU who I left behind.

Him: Good thing the one you left behind knows his way home...to you. :)

Call it "a line" (or whatever you want). I don't care.

My mom and her two sisters celebrated their September birthdays at the clubhouse of Sta. Elena Golf & Country Club last Saturday. To make the event more meaningful and lively, they decided to have a Hawaiian Luau theme. "The Clan" was in full attendance - from the grandmas to the babies. The Clan is becoming bigger and bigger through the years. The second generation are already marrying and having babies right and left. And since I belong to THAT generation, I had a grand total of five (5) "Kailan ka ba mag-aasawa?" fired-up questions from various aunts, uncles and cousins. They don't even care if I have a boyfriend or if I am currently going out with someone, as long as I answer WHEN am I going to tie the knot. Hay naku! I love my titas (and my mom) dearly despite their craziness. They love parties, outings and get-togethers and can have marathon all-nighters (read: chismis) anytime.

Our family came in full costumes for the luau. My brother kept on saying that mom owe us big time for nagging us constantly with the costumes. Mom was definitely on her element last night as she entertain the guests in her magenta outfit complete with headress and lei. She's also one hot mama (Ain't my dad lucky?) with her well-toned abs which she got from her daily aero classes. Did I ever tell you that my mom is way way way lighter than me? What the heck happened to my genes? Gabbie came in a bikini top and grass skirt; Papa surprisingly cooperated with a red Hawaiian-inspired polo; Chay (my sis-in-law) ransacked my Boracay finds and came in a wrap-around malong; and yours truly came in an all-black gimmick top which I matched with a black wrap-around pashmina shawl that doubles as akirt. Haha! I detest flowery garb and I refused to wear bright, colorful tartans! See? I am always craving attention? Sue me but check my pics!



I am not a drinker. I am not even a social drinker. I don't drink. Period. But when there's a Bailey's...

I am not a wild child. I was never a wild child and I will probably never be a wild child. This is a common family fact which the cousins find boring but the titas and titos loves. BUT I sure gave them quite an entertainment last night when I talked animatedly about the current like of my life and my forever-crush who happens to be a cousin of my cousin. There goes the "wild child" in me. That's THE baddest I can be (how boring!). Blame it to the three full glasses of Bailey's.

It's been 24 hours and my head is still spinning until now. My tummy is still queasy. I have alcohol allergies all over.

I am not touching those things again.

~*oOo*~

"I started missing you the moment I stepped out of the office. Kaya nga I texted you immediately. :) Pero bearable. But when I miss someone sorely, I get this urge to be overly sweet."
~ Him, 9.18.04, 12:33 PM

"Guess what, I am sorely missing you."
~ Him, 9.18.04, 2:35 PM

Words are not enough to describe what I am feeling.
Phooooeeey! Is this ME? Ako ba 'to?

My life is quite different now if I compare it six months ago.

I am more relaxed and contented now.
I laugh and smile a lot lately.
I am a free spirit again who sees the good in the bad.

I've been through one heck of a journey this year and I am just glad that it's all behind me now.

The first half of 2004 had been quite cruel for me beginning with the transfer of the Honda Marketing office in Sta. Rosa. Me along with my mighty friends were transported to the unknown with limited social spectrum to speak of. It was followed by a sudden "break-up" and parting of ways with me and three friends whom I've spent quite a number of bonding nights last year. The grueling pressures and stress of numerous Honda events and projects also took some of the limelight as I struggle with numerous test drives and launch projects. The work stress killed me and the office politics went on its all time high that made me say: enough is enough. A resignation from my beloved comfort zone soon followed without a concrete back-up plan on my part. Another tragedy rose when I got involved in a freak accident involving my right hand and ring finger. It took two operations to finally bring my right hand to a (almost) normal state. My catastrophe reached its peak with the accident and it died with a two month drought of unemployment while I was waiting for the right and perfect career.

My first few days in my new company were also miserable ones. I attempted to post some stuff about it but something always prevented me to do it (eg. post deleted, brown-out, not saved docs, etc.). The company is truly good. Maybe even better than Honda. The people are nice, work is okay, opportunities are better, salary and benefits are more than fine but I was just SO miserable and lonely. Plus I cannot seem to get closure from Honda. Every move or every shake that I do reminded me of who I WAS and what I used to represent. Damns.

Then here comes September.

I dunno where we (me and my current state) finally accepted each other. It was probably when the truckloads of work came in. Or when I was started given ultra-big responsibilities. Or when Mr. Crushie started paying attention. Who knows? At this point, I don't care. I am just glad because I am finally happy and contented. I am not saying that I found a gold mine in my new company and career (since this is still subject for argument) BUT I must say that I finally found a new life to be happy about. A life that somehow makes me complete.

Ohhh, the life...
...and I friggin' deserve it! : )

Pardon for the title since I cannot think of anything better.

I went to the grand opening of Market! Market! today at The Fort while Mark, Aimee and Luci went to the Asian Institute of Management for some product presentation. I went to the mall to check and observe the display and POP materials of one of our outlets. The place is huge but there are still few tenants in place. But thank God their beauty/kikay corner is already half-full thus my spankingly fresh french toe nails c/o CANS. Try it and ask for Roxanne. The mall is like the usual Ayala places where there's a big activity area in the middle. It generally caters to people from all walks of life. Do visit the outside market area where fresh produce are being sold.

After our meetings and presentations, they fetched me and the four of us had lunch at Zong at the Fort Strip amidst the raging storm outside. Wow! Super delicious! I can't get enough of those foodies! Definitely one of the best Chinese I've ever had. We went back to the office 3ish where I found so many work e-mails from my boss because we lost 4% market share from our sales last week. Beats me.

One exciting news though. I was in the middle of my work when I got an e-mail from a guy officemate about some requirements for an internal training tomorrow. I welcomed the break from work and went to his desk. We talked about some work stuff and the training but he showed me something from his Inbox that made me happy! An invitation from Cindy to Puerto Galera! Yay! My officemate asked if I am interested to come despite the not-so-good and sporadic age group of the rest of the invitees. I told him to forward to me the e-mail so I can check. So that's the huge news...I MIGHT go to Galera again soon! In the first week of October perhaps. It's not Boracay but it's the least that I can go to for the meantime. Plus, my new officemates are so cool when it comes to traveling. They got it all planned out! Galera soon, Sagada next! Book me a ticket!



"You make funny faces. You make the weirdest side comments. You are mean to our unfortunate officemates. You tease relentlessly. You make me smile in the direst of times. Yep, you're heaven-sent".

Either he wanted me as a girlfriend or his 24/7 clown.
Take your pick.

I dunno if it's still crushing or already crashing. I am going way gaga about this crush of mine.

Here are my evidences:

1. He's slowly curing my Internet addiction. I spend more time texting him or day dreaming about him rather than going on-line.

2. Concentrating on my work is way harder since he's just a few meters away.

3. I can't stop smiling. It's like I have a perma-smile on my face.

4. Our HR Manager told me yesterday that it seems I'm in love since I am "blooming".

5. I found a hundred reasons to go outside or to the cafeteria since I'll be passing his cube along the way.

6. I have a new reason to love "Felicity" since he reminds me of Noel.

7. I try on at least two outfits each morning.

8. I wear make-up (or lipstick and powder at least).

9. I love my new kuyas and their funny ways of match-making me to him.

10. The washroom is my bestfriend. I do re-touch around 5x a day.

11. I love texting, bluetooths, winpops and e-mails more than ever.

12. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. We've been having breakfast together since Friday.

13. I left my cellphone, magazine and wallet yesterday. I'm so out of it!

14. I am so "in the clouds".

15. I am the epitome of Ms. Friendship at the office.

16. Thank God for Aimee and her future spy career.

17. I love Market! Market! and Asian Institute of Management. They are the two reasons why we are going to have lunch together.

18. I love Yellow Cab pizzas and the way it made him happy yesterday.

19. I am thankful for those guys who were asking about me and the way he tells them to fall in line and submit their resumes and ITRs.

20. I am bursting all over and wanted to tell the whole world my happy stories but I dunno where to start THUS this laundry list.



GOING XAYMACA
Some guy (not my crushie-crushie) from the office asked me to go reggaeing in Xaymaca at QC on Friday. Duh?! I appreciate the invite but if he's interested he should've at least asked what music I like. I told him that I'd think about it since I'll be going somewhere Friday. He asked me in front of the whole department with everyone within earshot so what's a girl got to do? I even asked him if we are going alone and he said that we can ask ________ (name of my crush). DUH?! Sya na lang kaya wag sumama?! Since I was put on the spot (great tactics!) I kept on kicking Aimee to save me from the invite but she said that she can't go since she'll be at MBA class. Gee, some help. No offense to Xaymaca lovers (Hello Aileen!) but it's not my ideal first date place (except if your date is Dino Concepcion of Brownman Revival). *wink*



MARKET! MARKET!
I am scheduled to go to Market! Market! tomorrow for the mall's grand opening. Market! Market! at the Bonifacio Global City (The Fort) is one of the new high-rise mall projects of Ayala Land that will cater to a new breed of marketers and mallers. It will go big in retail and will even have tiangges outside (the Makati version of Greenhills?). I'll be there to check on one of our outlets and at the same time feel the coldness and comfort of the place since Carrier proudly powers the whole place.

The Market! Market! name was derived from the neighborhood Sari-sari Store.

I still have 30 minutes before dismissal yet I am already bumming. Work is so light these days and I must admit that I somehow miss the toxicity and stress. Whaaaat? Am I kidding myself? Aimee and I received our first work moolah last Saturday so we bought Yellow Cabs this afternoon due to the constant prodding of the boys. We ordered two huge Pepperoni and Mushroom Pizzas, which we devoured with gusto over our afternoon break. Yummy!

As for my "crush", well, he's overworked as usual (reminds me of me ages ago). I admire his dedication and tenacity to his work and his "undistracted" focus to it (read: he's not paying attention to me!). The highlights of our days are during mornings either before, during or after breakfast where we would endlessly laugh about some silly things OR after office where he would bring me to the lobby, to Alabang, or to my house.

~*oOo*~

This song is really appropriate to what I am feeling these days…

ONE HELLO
by Randy Crawford

If you're not afraid
Of what love brings
Then endings are beginnings
Of beautiful things
Its a chance you'll take
It's a chance you'll win
If someone's gonna find you
First you gotta let them in

Coz love begins with one hello
The hardest part is over
Now its easy letting go
One hello is how it starts
You might win it all or lose your heart

If you're not afraid
Of what you feel
Then try and keep it simple
Or try and keep it real
And if being real means
Means you'll some day will say goodbye
Remember my friend
Goodbyes not the end
Its a circle you know
And it starts with one hello

Love begins with one hello
The hardest part is over
Now it's easy letting go
One hello is how it starts
Remember my friend
Goodbyes not the end
Its a circle you know
And it starts with one hello
It starts with one hello

I am going mental! Some guy is driving me crazy.

I can't stop thinking about him and my friends are all laughing over this new kakikayan and rediscovered teen-age obssession of mine. Is this me? I feel so foreign about it. Aileen already pointed to me the obvious (?!) at Tabulas (that the guy is also digging me), Olen is so patient with my e-mails with parting words of "my crush is not here, he's on a meeting" and Bugs is calling me at least twice a day to "analyze the current situation". The latter even sent me an SMS this evening that goes: "Hello Lover Girl! How's your day?" Ewwww! So NOT me.

Unfortunately, I cannot divulge too much information on this blog for fear of being "discovered". But I have a Tabulas blog account where I bore my friends to death with all my silly stories. Get an account and be added as my friend! This is a major milestone and YOU have to hear all about it! Haha! Anyway, me and the guy are still in the awkward but exciting stage of getting-to-know-you and endless SMS exchange (and I can't believe that I am actually playing along with it). I am friggin' twenty-six years old and he's friggin' twenty-seven years old yet we are acting like two college kids! I am even worse since I over-analyze every bit of movement from him. What happened to me? Where's the twentysomething career-driven gal that I know? I was so "out of it" at work and I have this silly grin the entire day. AND I so hate myself whenever he ask me something. I caught myself saying at least two incoherent replies to him this afternoon alone. Dumbness! What the heck happened to my brilliant, witty, flowery comebacks? Gee, they are all down the drain with my freakin' sense!

For his part...well...IF he ever do have feelings for me, he's handling it very well. He knows how to prioritize things and knows what's not to mix (work and lovelife?). We are even slowly developing a pattern that only the two of us knows. *wink* BUT BUT BUT I still have this nagging feeling that he's just being friendly and gentlemanly (is there such a word?) to me. Nothing more. He never treats me differently from the other girls and he still crack boyish humors to me. He actually reminds me of my Olen's Bim. They are both too good-natured and too kind to the human race. *smiles*

He's really the epitome of a Mr. Nice Guy so he brought me to Alabang this evening though it's not on his way home. I dunno if I should give more meaning to his kindness or not since he's really THAT way. Plus, he doesn't have any choice but to offer me a ride since it was quite late already. Nevertheless, I almost jumped and shouted for joy after he dropped me off. I am so freakingly happy that I impulsively bought a new orange blouse that's out of my budget.

P.S.
BUT he did ask me to a day-trip to Anilao this weekend and was rallying me to save and join him (and other friends) at El Nido later this year. He's so into watersports. Hmmmm?

My "accidental" reflection on Marky's XDA
I was capturing it on my 3650 when it caught me. Absolute coolness!

Do you know that Vanilla Ice is Batangueno and Boy George is Kapampangan? Well, who knows? But these jokes definitely gave me ultimate cracks last Friday when I had dinner and after-office drinks with Aimee, Mark and Alvin (my new officemates) at Dencio's Alabang. Alvin is so funny and I just can't stop laughing the entire night. There were so many stuff that we talked about like work, the ever-prevailing office politics, incentives & commissions and the office love affairs. Alvin is one of our brightest Sales Engineers for Applied & Commercial Equipments while Mark is the ultra-brainy pero di' nerdy Internal Applied Engineer for the projects and Aimee is my counterpart (she's with Commercial Sales) and sparring partner at Marketing Services. The Dencio's dinner was an impromptu one since we were supposed to be at the company's bowling tournament. We started dinner at 7:30pm and went home around 1:30 in the morning. The acoustic band who played that night was also good and they sang so many of my favorites like One Hello (Randy Crawford) and Through The Fire (Chaka Khan).



IN LIKE
Oh, did I ever tell you that I am kindda in like these days? Yep! Little Ms. Jaded-Cynical here is majorly crushing on someone! Ladidaaa! Days are brighter and mornings are so so so good! I've never been so inspired like this for the longest time. Nothing seems to put me down in the last week or so. Even the rain and the yucky mud in downtown Alabang were not enough to dampen the high I am in. I am so giddy-giddy-good this entire weekend. Life is sweet, ain't it?

Due to my present predicament, I asked a guy friend about some kindergarten stuff on "how would you know if a guy likes you or not" and his SMS replies made me think and reflect how lousy I am in the battlefield called meeting-dating-courting. I am so busy mind-gaming guys that I forgot to think and pause for a while.

Here's his advice:
"Well, let him make the moves. I'm sure makikita mo naman din. Just be friendly and accommodating, if he sees the opportunity then he'll take it. If you like him I'm sure he'll feel it. But if you don't, siguro wag mo na din paasahin, diba? Just don't do things you normally won't do if you feel na wala sya chance. Guys get hurt too. : p"

Hmmm, something abut his SMS made me think. I really hate guys when they do this. So, it means I have to show intentions to him to pursue me? Gee! Chivalry is DEAD. Plus the "wag na lang paasahin" really made me think. Sheesh, there's a freakin' read-between-the-lines on this guy's text!

So I replied:
"Guys don't pursue someone unless they are sure that the girls likes them, diba? : ) Boys talaga."

I SUPER hate guys when they don't want to lose on something. Is it the manly ego-thing? Or some same age-old reason of wasting time on someone that can never be yours? It's bad! Where's the chivalrous "I'll fight for you until the end?".

My friend's reply shocked me:
"It depends. But older guys tend to be more of a risk-taker. Just the way I risked for you. But I eventually got the hint that you don't like me anyway."

THE WHAT!? Woaah! This was not the reply I was expecting! Especially from someone I was seeking advice from for another guy. For the record, this guy is amazingly nice. He's one of my few guy friends who's intelligent, brilliantly good, passionate on his passions and highly opinionated. His desire for righteousness made him dear to me. He's also a classic example on how bad I am in reading the signals. Of course I knew that he likes me since he did tell me about it but I never expected that he felt THAT way. I took for granted his feelings more than once in several occasions and even staged an all-out war with him where he eventually reciprocated. His ill-feelings came from the heart while mine stems from the mind. We are both good, opinionated and passionate on the issues we believe in thus resulted to the biggest and most intelligent word war I've ever had. Should I know that he was harboring such...I would have been gentler. All of this happened barely seven months ago amidst the turn of leadership at one of organizations which used to be so dear to me. Sorry M...for the nth time. Let bygones be bygones...

As for the CURRENT guy in my life. Well, who knows if he likes me? Like what I said, I am so BAD when it comes to signals. I don't event know IF I want it to work out since it's still too early to say anything. I am just happy about the good feeling it brings me. My good friend Bugs gave me one of the bestest advice ever. Forget the damn pride, let loose and go with the flow. Tigilan ko na daw ang mind games at pagiging magulang ko! Harhar! He told me that I am too concerned with mastering my mind games that I tend to forget to really THINK and appreciate the good stuff. Well said. I'll keep you all posted : ). Finally, something juicy on this blog! *wink*



MOVIE FEST
I've been so behind in movies these days so I decided to buy some vids yesterday. I watched Jennifer Garner's 13 Going 30 which I like so much. I love her lifestyle, her fabulous fashions and her work as Editor of a well-known fashion magazine. She looks so lovely in her outfits in the movie despite her boxy built. The movie is also full of 80s music from Michael Jackson and Debbie Gibson. I also bought Garfield (isn't he so adorable?), Cat in the Hat (with our favorite Dakota Fanning) for my niece Gabbie and Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban.



WANTED: RESULTS OF ENGINEERING BOARD
Guys, some favor. Does anyone here knows where I can find the results of the Mechanical Engineering Board for 2000? I already checked the PSME (Phil. Society of Mechanical Engineers) website but it was not there. Does anyone keep archives of these stuff? I am just going to check something.

Here are some "CRUSH" factors in my new office. Harhar!

There can be a lot of potential guys in our office if not for several gold bands in their second finger. Yes...the office is FULL of married guys so I ceased the search for Mr. Right on the third day.

There was one guy who's thankfully single but I suspect that he's either TOO metrosexual or downright gay. I saw him flex his hands the unboyish way the other day while he was buried on his laptop.

Anyway, my kilig factor is not Mr. Metrosexual-Manager but Mr. XDA of our department. Actually, he's not from Marketing but with Applied & Commercial Sales but we feel that we are on the same unit since we share the same office, yada, yada, blah, blah. Anyway, you got the picture. Well, Mr. XDA is one of the two guys who recently got new XDA PDAs in our office (the one I was blabbing about a post ago). He's not really my type but he's cool and fun to be with unlike the other serious types in Sales.

Our first encounter started on my third day when he asked Aimee and I to go to some internal training on the ISO certification. He told us that he was the resident ISO guy in our department and he will soon be transferring the task to us. Eeek! Geekdom! ISO?! He accompanied us to the training and he was shutting us up everytime we will laugh at something or someone during the meeting. However, Mr. Goody Guy is not really clean because I caught him playing with his XDA while the lecturer is boring us out. Hmmm! After that, me and Aimee harrased him to eternity. He was manly yet child-like and that made him kindda adorable.

I am sensitive/"feeling"/assuming/presuming Princess when someone likes me. But here are some of the stuff that transpired today where I believe that "I am not dreaming". Be the judge and tell me if I am only overreacting or there's something that meets the eye:

1. Instead of asking for my digits, he asked me to fill-up an 'authograph' via his XDA Contact Manager. He said that I should fill all the info (stylus and all) including my favorite color. Smart-ass.

2. The other girl in Marketing is majorly crushing on him (it's one-way, baby) and we are always making fun of it via WinPop (read: Windows Instant Messaging). He kept on telling me (kiddingly, of course) to be careful since the other girl might see his messages to me and might get jealous.

3. He calls me: "Naku, eto pinakamakulit sa amin"...which is NOT really the case. I am TAME here.

4. He took two pictures of me today on his XDA.

5. He sent me a WinPop this afternoon inviting us (me and Aimee) for coffee and he paid for my snacks.

5. Here's the best. He borrowed my cellphone the other day to view my pictures. I thought it was just the usual-nosey-person viewing pics of other people BUT he borrowed it again today. I was actually embarrassed because he saw my folder titled "I.Me.Myself." where I have around 30+ pictures of MYSELF. It was my personal pics on my personal phone which I carelessly saved since nobody is looking/using/borrowing my phone but me. He's such a gentleman and did not made fun of it and even asked me to send to him "his favorite" picture of moi. The one taken at Bora last year.

So, am I getting the right signal or I am just majorly exaggerating?

Two letdown:
a) He's a smoker - i never had a boyfriend nor dated one who is.
b) Same name as one of my ex.

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